I would like to submit a different take on loneliness, so bear with me while I attempt to blow your minds.
Dictionary.com defines loneliness as, “sadness because one has no friends or company”. More often than not this stems from our own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and actions and NOT because of what actually is. People have a perception about friends and life. This comes from their childhood. This comes from society. This comes from experiences. And it becomes unconsciously propelled in our day-to-day lives..
Stay with me here…
People don’t get upset unless an expectation hasn’t been met. We all have expectations about the future. About things that haven’t happened yet. We have expectations of how future events are supposed to come to fruition. These future expectations come from our perspectives. Our unconscious thoughts.
Stay here just a bit longer…
People don’t want to be wrong. We will do anything and everything we can to be right about what we believe. We will turn to people and situations to confirm our beliefs so that we can be right about them.
Here is where it comes together…
If our past experiences lead us to believe that we “aren’t likable” and that becomes our subconscious thought, then we have an expectation moving forward that people don’t want to be around us so that we can be right about our perspective. We exclude ourselves from situations to confirm that belief. To be right about it. We don’t see the signs where people are including us. We ignore facts to be right about our past. Remember, this is all subconscious thought.
What can we as humans do about this?
Number 1: Awareness. Be aware that loneliness is a program. A subconscious thought that doesn’t serve you.
Number 2: Focus on the present. This is similar to awareness but is more moment by moment. Awareness is knowing that you have a program running. Focus on the present means that you look for opportunities to challenge your preconceived ideas on friends and how people look at you. To be included.
Number 3: Create a new reality.. If people aren’t inviting you to events, invite them. Figure out something fun to do that most everyone enjoys, put in the effort to make it happen, and invite people. You’ll start to see who doesn’t shy away from you. This is a step in creating friendships.
Number 4: Follow up. When you do something with someone, follow up with them. Show them that you care. But not too much. Don’t be creepy. Instead, just send a text message or an email saying, “Thank you for coming last night.” Some might call this step, appreciation. Again, you don’t want to overdo it and prove your “unlikable” program to be right again. We have a funny way of sabotaging ourselves like that.
Number 5: Consistency. You have to do these things again, and again, and again. At some point, the people you have been inviting to do things will invite you to do things. They will start seeing you as a friend.
When something like loneliness comes from a subconscious thought, you have a lot of work to do to overcome that program. It wasn’t created in a day, it won’t be solved in a day. Give yourself a break and practice the steps.